Final Blog

- T O   S U M   U P. . .  -

I enjoyed both the articles and the movie this week. I thought they each had something interesting to say about the concepts of love and desire. 

The first thing that I was really drawn to was the concept of internet dating. Paumgarten discussed the concept of finding love through the internet. I find it interesting how often our society uses technology as a crutch for our everyday humane activities. I think it is one thing to have your information on the internet that someone could find and possibly connect with, therefore contacting you. I think it is another thing entirely to let technology compare these facts and associate who would be good for who. Although I do have fate that this is entirely possible, it seems odd that we would leave such a serious decision up to a computer - a device that feels no emotion. I don't think love (or desire) are this simple. For example, a computer is not going to set you up to have an affair with a married man or woman... yet our desire can want that. The same thing can be said for true love. Sometimes the "perfect" match isn't quite so perfect. We can never be sure because, as we have definitely learned in this course, we do not consciously make this decision. There is no set algorithm, our mind is radical and even unpredictable in this manner.

The main point that stuck with me about Kristeva's article was about how love and desire basically cannot exist without each other. My first thought was of the little angel and devil on the shoulders bickering about the "correct" decision. We cannot truly love someone until we have truly desired them. We need desire to open the door for us. However, once the door is open and we want to be alone with love, desire is third-wheeling the whole situation, running it into the ground. It's getting desire to close the door as it leaves thats the tricky part. 

I enjoyed the movie because I knew nothing about it going into it. I was surprised to find Jessica's meticulous character lesbian, and surprised again when she decided against it. It made me seriously start to question the concepts of love and desire. I think Jessica truly loved Helen, which is why they remained friends at the end of the film. However, she did not desire her. So was it true love? Is desire needed after you have fallen in love to keep a relationship authentic? I think this movie pushed the boundaries of friendship as well. I began trying to rationalize the ending by thinking that Helen and Jessica were just menat to be really close friends and not lovers, that they made a mistake. However, there was more to their friendship than just enjoying each other's personalities. Jessica was at times attracted to Helen and wanted her sexually. My final conclusion for the film was that the movie was playing on the idea of love and sex. The two women did love each other but did not connect sexually and therefore fell apart. The movie shows our human carnal ways of life and how we lust for one another and that a relationship cannot last without that. I wondered what would have happened if Helen did not want to have sex with Jessica as much. I wonder if they would have lived happily ever after or if it still would have fallen apart. Just how important is sex?

I enjoyed this semester. I thought the readings were interesting and I ESPECIALLY enjoyed all of the movies that we watched. I thought the course was going to be about the ooey-gooey nature of love and how every princess gets her prince and vice versa but I liked the very real and sometimes brutal discussions and ideologies we looked at. I liked how the class was very open for us to express our emotions and feelings about love and desire and how we weren't afraid to look into the sexual components of it to, seeing as how that is a very important part of the whole concept.

Simple Passion

- I S   T H I S   L I F E ? -

After reading Annie Ernaux's "Simple Passion" I came to a conclusion about the essence of life and living. We have seen countless examples of desire consuming a person's life; everything from their eating habits to the way that they think. It's clear that being the in state of "desire" is being in the state of a completely different mind-set, one that we have little to no control over.

This is evident in "Simple Passion" Ernaux explains that "A" took over her life. I believe that one quote sums all of this up, "After that passage, the rest of the book returned to being what everything else had been to me for the past year - a means of filling in time between two meetings." 

"A means of filling in time between two meetings." This line stuck with me, I re-read it over a few times to fully grasp the intensity of it. This woman has been completely engulfed in her desire for "A" that nothing else even has meaning to her anymore. Her family, friends, work, hobbies, interests, nothing mattered or satisfied her life. Besides having a poor essence of life, this mind-set can also lead to serious problems in the future. If someone is this displeased in their world and obsessed with only one factor (one that most likely they cannot have, hence them being obsessed with having it in the first place) then it can lead to depression or suicide.

Before "A" we are led to believe that Ernaux had lived a normal life. She was happy when she was supposed to be and sad when she was supposed to be. Her past was as real as life should be. There was no obsession and she had control over herself. After "A" came into the picture she lost this control. All she did was think about him and desire him, to an unhealthy level that consumed her entirety. 

So what does this mean for the future? How does something like this play out? What if a person only believes in one thing and then they are told they cannot have it? What else would there be to live for? It's interesting how our mind has the ability to betray us in this way.

Love Song

- T H E   G A M B L E R -

by Fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rT-5NY83OYI

Slow down, we've got time left to be lazy,

All the kids have bloomed from babies,

Into flowers in our eyes.

We've got fifty good years, left to spend out in the garden,

I don't care to beg your pardon,

We should live, until we die.

We were barely eighteen, when we crossed collective hearts.

It was cold but it got warm, when you barely crossed my eye.

Then you turned, put out your hand, and you asked me to dance,

I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.

I swear when I grow up, I won't just buy you rose,

I will buy the flower shop and you will never be lonely.

Even if the sun stopped waking up over the fields,

I will not leave, I will not leave 'til it's our time.

So just take my hand and know that I,

Will never leave your side.

It was the winter of '86, all the fields had frozen over,

So we moved to Arizona, to save our only son,

And now he's turned into a man, though he thinks just like is mother,

He believes we're all just lovers, he sees hope in everyone.

And even though she moved away, we always get calls from our daughter,

She has eyes just like her fathers, they are blue when skies are grey,

And just like him she never stops, never takes the day for granted

Works for everything thats handed to her, never once complained.

You think that I nearly lost you,

When the doctors tried to take you away.

Like the night you took my hand, beside the fire.

Thirty years ago to this day.

You swore you'd be here 'til we decide that it's our time,

But it's not time, you never quit in all your life.

So just take my hand and know that I 

Will never leave your side.

You're the love of my life and know that I

Will never leave your side.

You come home from work, and you kiss me on the eye.

You curse the dark you say that I should never feed them what is ours.

And so we move out to the garden, look at everything we've grown,

Now the kids are coming home, so I'll set the table, you can make the fire.

________________________________________________________________________

"The Gambler" is off of Fun's first album, "Aim and Ignite." Nate Reuss (the singer and lyricist) has such an incredible talent with lyrics that it was hard for me to pick just one of his songs. However, this song is always so touching to me. First off it is sung about his family, from his mother's perspective. Writing from his own mom's perspective gives the song a whole new light and makes it even more touching than if it were from his own. Through her eyes, Nate is describing how she met her husband and the life they pursed with their two children (their son being Nate). 

One of my favorite lines is "but it was love at second sight." I think this really emphasizes how real the relationship is. We always hear "love at first sight" but how often is that true? Without even knowing the person, it must just be lust or desire. The fact that Nate emphasizes love at second sight makes the listener understand that it's not a fairy-tale story but a very real one.

The next part I really like is when Nate is describing himself and his sister. I like the word play he does here. When he talks about himself, he links himself to his mother and when he talks about his sister, he links her to his father. This kind of capitalizes on the whole "daddy's girl" and "mama's boy" stereotype and ultimately provides a sweeter story told. On a side note, I also like how he spends two more lines of lyrics talking about his sister rather than himself, just a nice brotherly thing to do.

Nate has a few songs about his father having cancer and he talks about that in this song as well. All of Nate's songs have to do with himself or his family but they're told creatively like this one. He never says the word "cancer" in any of his music but in interviews he has told people the truth. It makes the line "when the doctors tried to take you away" even more heartbreaking when you realize the struggle and impact that this severe illness must have had on the entire family. The song then goes into the children coming home and the family getting together, which provides a positive light. It's clear that Nate's father (though not entirely healed) had survived and still lives a fulfilling life.

My absolute FAVORITE part of this song, however, is the ending. The song ends almost abruptly, both musically and vocally. This is because his mother's life isn't over. Nate told the story of his mother's life up to present day and he ends the song there, on a positive note. The last notes of the song (a major third, which is a very happy sounding interval) leave us to believe that everything in their life is good, despite the troubles and that they do love each other and live happily.

All in all this song is a very realistic and happy approach to love. I realize a lot of the stuff we talk about is the opposite, and Nate has plenty of heartbreaking songs as well, but I really enjoy listening to this sweet tale of his parents. Like I said, Reuss has an incredible way with words in all of his music (the music is also very unique and *fun* to listen to) and is a terrific storyteller.

The Bad Girl II

- L A M E N T   O R   R E L I E F ? -

After finishing the bad girl I couldn't help but only feel sorry for Ricardo and not the bad girl herself. It was almost impossible to feel any remorse for her at all seeing as how she continuously manipulated and lied to Ricardo (and many, many others). Throughout the whole story, Ricardo would keep taking her back no matter the scenario - because he loved his image of her. In my last response I spoke about how Ricardo's mind was lying and manipulating him more than the bad girl was. He saw her as this almighty figure that if he could obtain, then he would forever be happy.

I know realize that is why he kept after the bad girl. She was what he could never have. Like when someone says, "don't look behind you," ALL you want to do is look behind whereas only a few seconds ago you couldn't care less. Once you desire something, you become obsessed and lose all reason.  This is what happened to Ricardo.

At the end of the novel, the two are once again in each other's arms. The bad girl is sick, however, and dying yet Ricardo still takes her back. I think they both see each other as vulnerable in their own eyes. The bad girl sees Ricardo as a man that can be by her side when she finally dies and Ricardo sees the bad girl as finally needing him and unable to continue without him. Therefore when she inevitably dies I am wondering if Ricardo's true state of mind (not his desire) is lamenting the loss of the bad girl, or relieved that he no longer has their un-liftable weight on his shoulders.

I found the last line of the book particularly interesting. The bad girl tells Ricardo that she has given him a good story for a novel, which made me think that she is trying to gain her place in history from the grave! She is manipulating her way right through purgatory! I feel like that "un-liftable weight" was thrown right back on Ricardo for now his desire for her has turned into making their whole undesirable love story into... a love story?

The Bad Girl

- W A I T,   I ' V E   S E E N   T H I S   B E F O R E -

After reading the first half of Mario Vargas Llosa's "The Bad Gril" I realized its direct correlation to Madame Bovary. At first I thought, "Oh no! Not again," however I do seem to enjoy reading this book despite the annoyance of its Madame Bovary, Lily. The one predominant theme that I couldn't fully understand (in both novels) is Charles or Ricardo's attraction to such an undesirable character. I tried to look into this more.

It's very clear that when we lust for someone our judgment becomes clouded (we have seen this in countless examples of film, tv, literature, etc.) however how come our judgement becomes so clouded that we ignore all of the major flaws that someone has? I mean, when we're extremely hungry we will eat just about anything, but you can still hate the taste of the food. How come we don't see the bad parts  of people.

Lily had constantly treated Ricardo poorly, yet he would continuously take her back! Why?! If he's so "hungry," then why doesn't he just get something else to eat? I came to the realization that it also may be a specific character trait (...flaw) in these character's personalities. From personal experience, I had been in a similar position where I was infatuated with a girl that did not treat me well but after awhile I grew sick of it and broke it off. Even though I still wanted her, her undesirable qualities were too strong to outweigh the desirable ones. So how come Charles and Ricardo can't do it?

Perhaps they're too blinded and even more infatuated than I was, but I tend to view this element as a character weakness. Of course, there wouldn't be much of a story if Ricardo just left Lily in the beginning I suppose, either. Regardless, I have one more theory. Lily presents herself as such a talented liar and cheat that perhaps Ricardo constructs his own "lie" of her. Maybe Lily isn't lying to Ricardo as much as Ricardo is lying to Ricardo. Maybe he willingly suspends all belief of the negativity in Lily's character and therefore manipulates his mind into seeing only the positives. Then again, isn't that what desire is anyways?

Films

- C O N T I N U O S   T H E M E   O F   D E S I R E -

After watching the two films I realized that the same theme of love and desire can be seen through just about any medium. Whether it is reading a book, looking at art, listening to music or watching a movie - love and desire are everywhere! In the film Solaris, Chris (George Clooney) is struggling with trying to overcome the inner desire for his wife. He is visited by her when he's on the ship near Solaris and is very quickly (and easily) tricked into thinking she's real.

Chris' wife had died and having her back literally made no sense. At first Chris rejected the idea of his wife but then his love and desire won over. After a while the plot progresses and we learn that the new Rea is a replica of the real one that was made from Chris' memory. Even though he knew this, he could not bring himself to let her go again. His desire for his wife was so strong that he was willing to suspend his disbelief and trick himself into thinking it was her.

At the end of the movie Chris is faced with the choice of choosing reality or fiction. In reality his wife was dead and he could never have her back but in Solaris Rea could always be there, just as he remembered. Although many people would choose to keep their reality - Chris could live the life he wanted and be happy in this facsimile of his mind. I think this movie shows how strong and powerful desire can be. Do we have enough control as humans to make decisions when desiring or are we completely impotent to its power. Did Chris really have a choice or was his desire too strong?

Madame Bovary (2)

- E M M A' S  C O N T I N U O U S. . . I N T O  T H E   G R A V E -

After completing the novel I cannot say that I'm surprised of Emma's outcome. In my mind, Emma is stuck in the state of mind that her life will be like the books she reads- that the perfect fairy tale will find her. In a sense, she does deserve a happy and fulfilled life, just like any other woman would want, however, Emma is only concerned about her own happiness and will constantly neglect those around her if she finds a new source for that happiness.

An example of this can be seen in Charle's surgery. Emma wanted Charles to do the surgery because she knew it would bring him great fame and, in turn, bring her happiness. When Charles is given this idea he is timid, and now that it benefits her life, Emma immediately jumps in saying that he should do it and that he'll be great. I did not take this encouragement from her sincerely at all. Emma only wanted to be the wife of the famous surgeon and have more money and notoriety. Hence, when the surgery is not a success, she instantaneously blames Charles and is angered by him! As if experimenting surgery was wrong. In fact, I did not think Charles was in the wrong for trying to perform the surgery. People criticized him for it but experiments are how modern medicine has become the way it is today. 

Besides the "lovingness" that Emma was giving to Charles, she was also secretly seeing Rodolphe. That was her new love and desire. I say "that" instead of "he" because it was the scandal and frill of the affair that Emma had fallen in love with. Rodolphe's money didn't hurt either I bet. When he leaves her, she is stuck with Charles again. Of course, Emma becomes depressed for her fairy-tale life that she thought would be given to her on a silver platter was flushed down the toilet.

Oh woe is Emma. I actually began to feel bad for her when... BAM, Leon's back. Here we go again, new life, new love, blah, blah, blah. A point where you want to flip a few pages in the book and fast forward through the movie. Predictable Emma rekindles her feelings for Leon and now wishes to start again with him.

It's no surprise that in the end Emma takes her own life. It was only a matter of time before she came to the conclusion that her life was not a fairy tale and that she could not live the fancy life that she desired. Still, one does have to feel some sympathy because it was not entirely her fault. Wanting to have wonderful life is no fault but Emma seemed to expect it to just come to her without her doing any work.

As I type and re-read my blog I get angry again like I did when reading the novel. I very much disliked Emma's character for her greediness and selfishness. Even though she was limited in her options, I still would have liked to see her divorce Charles and be shunned by her community than jump from guy-to-guy hoping that that man would give her the life she wanted. I would have liked to see Emma kill herself metaphorically and start a new Emma in a new town with a new life, yet she kills her self for real and I was let down. All that being said, I love when a novel sparks my emotions and subsequently I thoroughly enjoyed Madame Bovary.